FAT TED AND THE HOLY VIRGIN CAROLINE

Fat Ted is bellowing for Obama. Obama has gotten his wish. Like Hillary, he now has his very own Fat Boomer to bellow for him. While Ted never quite made it to the ranks of an ex-President, he is, however, the part-owner of the SOUL of an ex-President. So there is no reason why he can not drag the heroic image of John F. Kennedy, who so stirs the hearts of many Americans, through the muck and mire of this idiotic campaign.

But more importantly, Ted is the Guardian of the Holy Virgin Caroline. The Holy Virgin Caroline has directly communicated with her father, who art in heaven, and she has determined that her father, JFK, who art in heaven, would most certainly be for Obama.

Unfortunately, God's legal residence is in Florida, so his vote will not be counted.

But getting back to Ted, after complaining that it was inappropriate for a former president to be campaigning for his own wife, Fat Ted now explores totally new dimensions of inappropriateness. Ted brings us METAPHYSICAL levels of inappropriateness! Ted talks to DEAD PRESIDENTS and channels their opinions! Ted is a MEDIUM!

Apparently believing himself to be the owner of a dead President's soul, by virtue of it having been his brother, he now feels that it is appropriate to drag out the heroic image of his dead brother to campaign for someone who otherwise shows signs of being a whiney little sleezebag.

I must say that I felt vomitous outrage at seeing the image of John F. Kennedy being shown at the same time as Osama, er, I mean, Obama. I am still wondering exactly WHO Barak Hussein Obama even IS, or WHAT he stands for, other than his banal and meaningless CHANGE mantra.

What sort of "change"? Hitler brought change. Lenin brought change. Even Bush brought change. So WTF does "change" mean?

Draft 2: 1/31/08.