KENNEDY OVERDOSE

Teddy Kennedy is a medium. He has channelled the thoughts of JFK and determined that JFK would vote for Wonderboy. But could he also channel the thoughts of another very important dead person? Yes, MARY JO KOPECHNE.

Gee, I wonder if Mary Jo Kopechne would also endorse Obama?

And how about William Kennedy Smith? Who is HE endorsing? Seeing as how every Kennedy alive and dead seems to be endorsing a candidate, who is the choice of rapists? Does anybody care about rapists' rights?

But it was good to see that Maria Shriver is still alive. I thought that Ahnoold had fucked her to death. After spending the last 20 years giving birth to 7 little Republicans, she emerges from her kitchen to tell the Democratic Party who to nominate. Talk about sleeping with the enemy.

But I certainly won't say anything bad about the Holy Virgin Caroline, whose father, JFK, art in heaven. The Holy Virgin Caroline has conferred with her father, JFK, who art in heaven, and determined definitively that he would vote for Wonderboy.

Oprah says that she isn't endorsing Wonderboy because he's black, but rather because he's brilliant. Gimme a break. How many brilliant crackers has she endorsed lately?

And truth be told, President Clinton is more brilliant than Wonderboy by a country mile. He could also get us out of this recession, rather than just sitting around and gas-bagging about it.

To conclude, if there any additional Kennedys, alive or dead, who plan to give any more endorsements, please do so now.

And you know, as a DISENFRANCHISED Florida Democrat, whose vote doesn't mean SHIT, I find it rather interesting that people are more interested in how every Kennedy and their mother-in-law feels, and that they are totally uninterested in how Florida and Michigan Democrats feel.

Draft 2: 2/4/08

FAT TED AND THE HOLY VIRGIN CAROLINE

Fat Ted is bellowing for Obama. Obama has gotten his wish. Like Hillary, he now has his very own Fat Boomer to bellow for him. While Ted never quite made it to the ranks of an ex-President, he is, however, the part-owner of the SOUL of an ex-President. So there is no reason why he can not drag the heroic image of John F. Kennedy, who so stirs the hearts of many Americans, through the muck and mire of this idiotic campaign.

But more importantly, Ted is the Guardian of the Holy Virgin Caroline. The Holy Virgin Caroline has directly communicated with her father, who art in heaven, and she has determined that her father, JFK, who art in heaven, would most certainly be for Obama.

Unfortunately, God's legal residence is in Florida, so his vote will not be counted.

But getting back to Ted, after complaining that it was inappropriate for a former president to be campaigning for his own wife, Fat Ted now explores totally new dimensions of inappropriateness. Ted brings us METAPHYSICAL levels of inappropriateness! Ted talks to DEAD PRESIDENTS and channels their opinions! Ted is a MEDIUM!

Apparently believing himself to be the owner of a dead President's soul, by virtue of it having been his brother, he now feels that it is appropriate to drag out the heroic image of his dead brother to campaign for someone who otherwise shows signs of being a whiney little sleezebag.

I must say that I felt vomitous outrage at seeing the image of John F. Kennedy being shown at the same time as Osama, er, I mean, Obama. I am still wondering exactly WHO Barak Hussein Obama even IS, or WHAT he stands for, other than his banal and meaningless CHANGE mantra.

What sort of "change"? Hitler brought change. Lenin brought change. Even Bush brought change. So WTF does "change" mean?

Draft 2: 1/31/08.